Dear Nagihan,
I thought over and want to inform
you about it. I feel like more of a liar each day I didn’t make a statement. I think the thing that is
between us is not between us anymore. Now, only “you” have the feelings we
shared before. At nights, I don’t think of you looking at the stars as you
think, unlike before. Further, your name isn’t among the ones I’ve recently
called on my phone. The sentences I make for you are all answers, all of them
are short sentences and in fact all of them are just single words: yes, no, ok,
all right. . .
Unlike any other separations, I
won’t say “No, it is not you , it is completely me”; all
because of you. We ended up in this situation because of your caprices, your
selfishness. Once, my answers and opinions were of importance but now, I am only
an inner voice which is important that makes you happy when it confirms you.
Inner voice: these days, who takes it seriously, to what degree?
You constantly say you miss me
whereas the light within me doesn’t illuminate its bottom. Thus, I’m always
dark, always in search of another light. When did I last dreamt of kissing you;
dreamt and wanted it? So far. . . missing you is out of stock anymore. . .
Once, I used to call you the woman I
would marry; you used to tell me “We’ll look into it”. Please, don’t look
anymore. Now I find out such a wrong decision it was. Obviously, you are the
one can’t swim while I don’t want to go out of the water. I am the one who is
afraid of moon while you are afraid of sun. Once, I used to watch your pretty,
sleepy face under that moon. Now, I hesitate getting into your house on the
first and last days of the months in fear that I wake up at midnight.
Do you realize I don’t give any
example of our problems. Maybe we don’t have any problem at all. The problem is
that the things that have a say in emotional relationships are your emotions. I
cannot cease listening to my emotions and they have already ceased saying
Nagihan. Wish you to find someone who can influence his emotions (his emotions
will contradict in time unless you adapt yourself).
Take care of yourself. . .
-Darling, get up from the computer,
let’s go to Perlot. I haven’t been there for a week. A new movie is released;
then, we shall watch it. I loved its
trailer. And on the way home, we shall stop by Melike.
-Ok Nagihan. . .
Translation: Melike Uzun
