“Darling, can you bring my slippers? The beach is so hot,” shouted Şebnem 3 sunbeds away. Ugh! ŞEBNEM! What a bad name. Not that it is the name of my ex-girlfriend; I just don’t like that name. It is like an answer to the template sentences such as “Why don’t you like it?” when you see a meal you don’t like on the table and the answer is “Habit!” Mine is a habit, too; I just don’t like it. My nature can’t tolerate it. I think there’s no accounting for taste. After this sentence of mine, that ugly man Şebnem has gone to holiday must, of course, be a matter of debate –oh, the man really looks like a monkey. From his breast, nose and ears springs hair. The man is still at the first steps of evolution. I think he couldn’t climb the stairs as he is too short. Hop-‘o-my-thumb! At the nights Şebnem wears high heels, he will look like Jamel Debouzze in the movie Angel-A. I wouldn’t mind if he is short but has a trim body. At least I would say he looks like Daniel Craig, the last heir of 007. In fact, Şebnem was more beautiful than Halle Berry and Olga Kurylenko but Cengiz, her boyfriend, cannot even be the blooded and sweaty shirt of 007 because of the balcony hanging from his belly. Mehtap said “You’ve become obsessed with Şebnem”. Not at all. Does a person become obsessive when she compromisingly separates from her boyfriend she couldn’t continue things?! Never! Also, we are very civilized. She happened to accept meeting me at times. I think she couldn’t forget me yet. I’m sure she couldn’t put me out of her mind and she thinks of me all the time. I give her right, too; our days were nice. Oh we were happy, man! You know what, I’m sure she sighs every evening looking at my photographs and couldn’t keep her tears from dripping onto those photographs some evenings. Although tears are immediately wiped away, the photographs get tear-stained. I know because it seems charwoman has cried a little while looking at a couple of photographs of mine with Şebnem. I know I would find tear-stained photographs if I go and look at her photographs when she is out here in vacation. What the hell! Are they coming here? Did they notice me? Where shall I hide now? Did she recognize me by my sunglasses? I think she really suspected me. I can’t catch attention with this felt hat. They are coming towards me. Şebnem, stop! Don’t come!
-Oh, Mustafa! What are you doing here?
Translation: Melike Uzun